From Mtv.com

Episode 11: Casey Moves In
Does anyone know a good maid service? That’s the question Jessica asks everyone throughout this episode. Jessica and Nick kick off brand new episodes, but this time America’s endearing twosome are now an uneven threesome. Casey, Jessica’s best friend and newly hired personal assistant, is staying with them until she finds her own place. It’s easy to see how Casey and Jessica get along so well. Nick puts it best when he says, “It’s like having two Jessicas!” Both giggle a lot and say things that could make any scholar cringe...just ask Casey what exactly that tequila slogan is to see how. So, does anyone know a good maid service? Nick takes Casey on an apartment hunt while Jess is at a meeting, but a very picky Casey does not have much luck. And so it’s off to Houston. Nick and Jessica are scheduled to perform at the Houston Livestock Show together. They arrive in Texas with their entourage, of course including their jokingly ‘common law adoption,’ Casey, and Jess’s new American Express Black Card--an elite credit card that features full valet service nationwide.

Maybe the card can provide a good maid service? The group discusses Nick’s bracket pool for the NCAA Basketball Championship, one of his favorite things as a huge Cincinnati Bearcats fan. Jess enters the pool, randomly picking Georgia Tech, when she doesn’t know the first thing about the team, rankings, or the tournament itself. But getting back to Houston, Nick and Jessica go to the rodeo. Jess says it’s “like the state fair, but with bull riding,” and proceeds in pursuit of petting some pigs, her favorite animals, but is appalled by their stench. The two go on to feed the goats in the petting zoo, but the goats decide they would rather feed on Nick’s T-shirt, and leave a big wet mark behind. A golden Jessica Moment unfolds when she renames wallabies “koalabees” upon sighting them. Later in the evening, Nick and Jess sing their hearts out for a very pleased crowd.

When they return to their home sweet home, we watch a head-to-toe Cincinnati Bearcats-uniformed Nick yell at the TV, cry out with joy, and grunt in pain as his beloved team wins the first round and loses the second of the NCAA Championship. Meanwhile, in discussion of what future Nick & Jessica kids will be like, Jessica exclaims in irony that their projected son will want to be a “Ballerino,” the masculine version of a ballerina, instead of a basketball player to satisfy Nick’s obsession with the sport. This gets a laugh out of Casey, but Jessica certainly has the last laugh with Nick, as it turns out that Nick’s brackets show Jessica winning the NCAA pool with her random choices. Nick calls it a fluke, but Jessica insists that she just knows what she’s doing.

Seriously, though, we need to find a good maid service. Jessica finds dusty corners in a supposedly clean house, and deems this not acceptable. But Nick trusts the cleaning lady and doesn’t want to find another one, making it hard for Jess to give her the boot. That and the fact that she can’t seem to find another one anyway! Just another glimpse at the glamorous life of our favorite married couple.


Episode 12: Mismatched Threesome
As Casey settles in with Nick and Jess and makes herself at home, it seems like this mismatched threesome may be headed for disaster. Casey has reached the point of unabashed honesty with them, and even admits that she hears the couple having sex. "What would y'all do without me?" Casey asks gleefully.

The relationship between Jessica and Casey grows to deeper level as Nick seems to be moving slowly out of the picture. The girls now do everything together. While floating in the pool with Jessica, Casey asks, "Do you think it's gross if I pop your blood blister?" Jessica, who doesn't look the least bit surprised, replies that she "wants it popped"...why wouldn't she? Back at the house, after the new "couple" gets into a fight with Nick over movie times, the girls go out for nachos. While alone, they mull over how to wink sexily...something Jessica finds impossible to do and the baseball terminology of "one for three with a double," which Jessica is convinced sounds more like an order from McDonald's than baseball. The two also discuss Nick and why he has been so irritable lately, and Casey offers to move out of their house if that would make the couple happier.

The next day, Jessica has an audition for a Bruce Willis movie, but isn't sure if she is up to the part. The girls head off to the audition, but not before Casey makes sure to remind Nick to vacuum her room while he's still doing chores. They are unclear with directions, and manage to confuse themselves even with the help of an automated navigation system. They do eventually make it, but are met with disappointment after Jessica messed up her lines royally and flunks her chance at the roll.

Meanwhile, back at the house, Nick tries to warm their pool with a solar cover which he hopes will save some money in utility bills. Nick is at home when a cranky Jessica returns from the audition with Casey. "I screwed that up so bad. I'm a goofball, I'm a nerd!" wines Jessica, settling into a lump on the couch. The threesome order Chinese food out of laziness, and dig in when the food arrives. "I think I ate some $%&# my pants chicken," says Nick, as he leaves his food and walks away. Jessica solves the problem. "I'll eat his," she decides.

And so life moves on, and Casey settles into the Simpson, Lachey household. The girls wash their underwear together, and Nick spawns a fight with Casey over the dishwasher. Nick's mood worsens as he yells at the lazy girls that they are "morphing into the same person."

The next night, Nick and Jessica finally have a second of breathing room as they head out on a dinner date. Nick suggests that it's time for Casey to move out and start her independent life in L.A. They arrive at the restaurant, and Jess digs into Nick's entrée as the two discuss if dogs can truly be considered family. The date ends happily, and Jessica was pleased enough with the restaurant to suggest that she should bring Casey next time. "Ohhh Jessica!" is all the exasperated Nick can say...and so ends another episode with our favorite newlyweds.


Episode 13: Celebrity Issues
What comes with the celebrity status of fame and fortune? Attention…lots of it, and Jessica and Nick are starting to realize this may not be the life they bargained for. An ordinary shopping trip turns into a paparazzi frenzy for Jessica and Casey, as the girls get cornered into one boutique. They eventually escape out the back door, but even this doesn’t stop the unabashed cameramen from chasing the girls down the street in an attempt to snag a good shot. Meanwhile, back at the house, Nick and his brother Drew are hanging out wondering how the kids in the backyard tracked them down, when a crazy fan calls Nick’s cell and leaves an even crazier message. The guys are still trying to figure out this message when Jessica calls to warn Nick that she and Casey are returning home, but that their car is surrounded by a plague of paparazzi that have almost run the girls off the road.

Later that night, Jess, Casey, and Nick go out to dinner, but as they are asked for autograph after autograph, a damper sets in on the meal. Nick and Jess bicker about whether Nick has a valid point in believing that Hooters girls make an honest living, and Nick shocks Jess by challenging her, “what’s more exposing, a Hooters outfit or your Blender cover?” It’s starting to seem as if Nick has buried himself in a hole he will never get out of, but he goes further by saying that arguing with Jessica is as effective as arguing with his spoon.

The next day, when Jessica receives a prank call on her cell, the newlyweds decide that it’s time to switch their phone numbers. Jessica and Casey drive down to the cellular store, and Jess is once again hassled by a cameraman. Later that evening, Nick and Jessica go out for what they hope will be a quiet dinner, but as their area of the restaurant fills up with expectant onlookers, they realize a nice quiet evening can only entail staying at home. “Ohh Jess, life’s a changin’,” says Nick. “I think were gonna’ find leaving the house is a lot harder than it used to be.” Jess contemplates what a weird life the couple now leads. “I wish all these people would just go away,” she says sadly.

The couple decides enough is enough, and go to Palm Springs with Jessica’s family for an Easter vacation. As Nick and Jessica’s dad head out golfing, the girls settle into blending some mixed drinks and tanning topless by the pool, an activity soon interrupted by the return of the guys. Later, everyone pitches in to cook up a nice Easter BBQ and munch on burgers and some spilled baked beans which only Nick manages to enjoy, as they share the story of Passover over their Easter meal.

Soon it’s time to go home to L.A., and for Nick and Jess this means stepping back into their new reality. “I don’t know if I like this lifestyle anymore,” says Jessica, as some new fans show up at the door. The couple can only hope that the attention they are receiving will soon lighten up so that life for the newlyweds can return to normal.


Episode 14: Eye Surgery
For people in such good shape, Nick and Jessica always seem to be eating! Another episode of Newlyweds opens with America’s favorite revamped version of Three’s Company (Nick, Jessica and Casey) eating dinner at a restaurant, while discussing their ever-looming bad eyesight. In what seems like just an innocent conversation about “seeing halos,” the idea of eye surgery is, well, put on the table. Casey does not seem to be a fan, and who can blame her when she puts it this way: “Nobody wants to screw up their eyeballs...you need to see with those.” Point taken, but Lasik appointments for her and Jess are made regardless.

First, Jess is going to Texas to visit her grandparents and to do a show for the troops. While hanging out with the fam, Jess’s mom gets a call from Casey about the “Lynyrd Skynyrd drama” that’s taking place down at the concert. This sparks intrigue on who else is going to be performing with Jess. Whether it’s Jim Carey or Drew Carey, and whether Gary SinIse has legs or not is pondered by the Simpsons, but one thing’s for sure: Wayne Newton is definitely going to be there.

Back in sunny California, Nick and Drew are… you guessed it…eating! While having a “Maalox moment,” Nick and Drew decide that they are long overdue for a fishing trip. You know, fishing. Deep sea fishing. The two leave the restaurant and head to the pier where they board a fishing boat with “first mate” Kristin.

In the meantime, Jessica is in her assigned dressing room, which, apparently on its better days, doubles as an office with cubicles. Confused and in search of some sort of catering and hospitality, Jessica and her familial entourage find that there are only three bottles of water that were put aside for her from the hospitality room. Not entirely happy, Jessica shakes it off by listening to her guitarist warm up, when none other than Wayne Newton walks through the door, declaring “I’m taking Nick’s place!” Enjoying what he was hearing, Wayne decides the lack of drums just doesn’t cut it, and turns a printer into a makeshift bongo so he can play along. Jess’s kin look on in horror as Wayne leaves a big wet kiss on her cheek before departing the room.

But Jessica’s not the only one baiting something. Back on the fishing boat, Nick’s also got a catch. As Kristin and Drew cheer him on in reeling it in, Nick loses the fight between the fishing pole and the fish by letting it get away. Afterwards he calls Jess to remind her that she and Casey have Lasik eye surgery appointments for the following day. With less than ten minutes to get ready for her performance, Jess notes Nick’s reminder, but instead of hurrying, takes her time in applying make up and getting changed. She takes so much time in fact, that Wayne Newton announces her not once, not twice, but three times to an anxiously awaiting crowd. She finally takes the stage, wowing the crowd with her ode to Nick, “With You.”

Returning home, Casey and Jess have an impending engagement: eye surgery. Wearing glasses for the last time, the two express their worry to Nick while waiting for their limo to take them to their appointment. Nick assures them that the doctor won’t severely cut their eyes, but “gently laser them.” Not assured at all, the fearful pair take “one last look” at him before getting into their limo and driving off. While en route, Casey is reading the Lasik pamphlet while Jessica is on the phone with her mom, telling her she may never see her again. Prepping for surgery, Jess and Casey first take a little eye exam, then are given Valium to calm down, but that’s about the last thing it does. A super jittery Jessica takes a deep breath and goes for it anyway. The doctor gives her a stuffed pig named Squealer to hold on to during the surgery. As soon as the surgery is done, she sits up looks at the eye chart and gets “weirded out” that she can actually read it. Next it’s Casey’s turn. Jess, wearing eye shields that make her look like a bug, holds Casey’s hand through it. Before long, both are leading each other blindly through a parking lot wearing eye shields while on their way to get burgers. They can’t see anything, especially if there is light involved. They don’t even know what their waitress looks like because they can’t see her. Therefore they both agree that “it would suck to be blind.” Nothing but a few words of wisdom from our favorite intellectuals to end another episode of Newlyweds.


Episode 15: Newlyweds Baby
There seems to be one question on everybody’s minds: “Are Jessica and Nick going to have a baby?” Nick and Jess can’t get away from the press’ prying as a montage of scenes of them at different interviews and photo shoots dodging the infamous question plays out. It’s even the topic of choice while Nick, Jessica, Drew and Lea are having dinner with Nick and Drew’s parents. So to put the issue to rest, there will be no little Nicks or Jessicas running around anytime soon. Instead, they discuss adopting one: Nick doesn’t think that adopting a kid before having one of your own is a good idea, but Jess doesn’t understand his logic. The bottom, bottom line? No kids just yet for the newlyweds.

But that doesn’t mean they don’t like kids. Nick volunteers to become a big brother for Big Brothers Big Sisters of America just before he and Jess leave for Arizona. They arrive in Scottsdale, to visit their good friends Tony and Lisa and their little baby Mason. From the moment they get there, Jess is smitten with little Mason. She helps Lisa put suntan lotion on him, gets a kick out of every little thing he does, and even changes his dirty diaper despite the “massive dump” inside. Mason goes down for a nap, and as soon as he is heard crying on the baby radio, Jess is the first one to go check on him. She doesn’t turn off the radio, though, so everyone, along with a hysterically amused Nick, listens and laughs as Jess pleads with Mason to stop crying.

The crew, consisting of Nick, Jessica, Tony, Lisa, Casey and Mason, go out for Nick and Jess’s favorite pastime activity: dinner. While reading over the menu, Jessica tells the table that she isn’t sure if she should order the Mahi Mahi because it’s dolphin. Everyone laughs in disbelief, but no one was ready for what happened next. When they asked the waiter at Jess’ confident request, she turned out to be 100 percent right! As if that wasn’t impressive enough, Jess even expressed more knowledge on the subject by using the word “bottlenose” to denounce Nick’s teasing that she was going to eat Flipper.

The ladies take note of Nick and Tony’s red-eyed drunkenness. The next day, Nick and Tony are nursing their hangovers by golfing (badly!) and drinking more beer while the girls hang poolside and talk girl-talk about exes --specifically one of Jess’s that left her for LeAnn Rhimes. But back to the guys on the green. They are golfing bad enough to make any golf enthusiast cringe, but it is possible that the frequent pit stops for beer have something to do with it… Meanwhile, the girls are talking about shaving, waxing and Casey’s broken heart. Jess offers her condolences by telling her not to worry, saying, “there are guys out there like Nick and Tony.” The scene immediately switches to said poster boys for good catches as they are yelling and cursing at their golf balls and drinking beers. Sigh.

When the guys get back to the pool, it’s their turn to watch Mason. The girls head out to get manicures and pedicures. After taking their time picking out nail polish colors, Casey tells an embarrassing lip-waxing story of every girl’s nightmares: where the wax not only burned the top layer of her skin, but left a huge scab in the shape of a mustache. Yikes! When the girls get back, Jess and Nick are put on baby watching duty while Tony and Lisa go to get massages. After getting some instructions, Nick and Jess go to work playing with little Mason until it’s Nick’s turn to change his diaper. Nick handles it like a champ, then takes a minute to sit back and cheer on Mason, who’s got a good grip on Jessica’s hair. Tony and Lisa return, and Nick and Jessica go back home. Again at dinner with Drew, Lea, and the Lacheys, Nick and Jessica find themselves in yet another conversation about babies. This time they are discussing Vogue’s list of popular baby names. Nick’s mom asks the girls what they are going to name their babies, and Nick replies that they can’t answer because they “don’t know what names will be in Vogue in 2015.” They all laugh as another chapter in the lives of the Newlyweds closes.